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5 Songs That Describe Living With Borderline Personality Disorder

I was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. In layman’s terms, BPD is classified as a personality disorder characterized by unstable moods, behavior and relationships. (Thanks, Dr. Google.)

I am also someone who has always used music as a way of self-expression. So it would make sense that I naturally merged the two together and created one hell of an angsty playlist.

1. Silk By Wolf Alice

Genre: Indie, Alternative

Wolf Alice knows how to blur the lines between soft and innocent and daring and dramatic. As shown best with the background vocals hauntingly whispering “take this to make you better, though eventually you’ll die” and “it’s such a shame, she used to be so delightful.” As if taunting the listener.

Just looking for a protector
God never reached out in time
There’s love, that is a savior
That ain’t no love of mine

My Love it kills me slowly,
Slowly I could die
And when she sleeps she hears the blues
Sees shades of black and white

Got to stay cool you hot, hot head
Count to a thousand before you sleep in bed
Read the news, pass the time
Drink the juice, feeling fine

2. Reasons Not To Die by Ryn Weaver

Genre: Indie Pop, Synth-Pop

Authentically honest, ‘Reasons Not to Die’ takes on taboo topics most artists often don’t write about. Written as an apology to her friends for how she acted at her birthday party, Weaver was in a place where she was afraid to make music again, in fear of no one caring about what she would put out. Which adds even more to the song, making it even more relatable for everyone, especially people with BPD.

Here’s to the ones
The renegades who never run
Despite all of my ranting and raging so
Here’s to the ones
Who hide the bullet from the gun
Foot down on all my bullshit but won’t cage me in

Despondent, catatonic suicide queen
By now I know a screw’s loose or too few
Or worse there’s too many
But of course, the dark horse
You bet all in stride
I hope I’m not a regret, I see sweat
I’ll fight to the finish line, oh oh oh

3. Medicine by Daughter

Genre: Indie Folk, Dream Pop

Daughter has been one of my favorite bands for years. Their songs are always kept on my phone because their music never gets old. This song in particular addresses heavy topics such as addiction, something that I’ve never personally struggled with, but I still relate to the lyrics in a different way. I think that shows great talent in a songwriter, being able to have a song relate to many different people in many different ways.

You could still be,
what you want to,
What you said you were,
when I met you.

You’ve got a warm heart,
you’ve got a beautiful brain.
But it’s disintegrating,
from all the medicine.
from all the medicine.
from all the medicine.

4. Disfigured by Rag’n’Bone Man

Genre: Alternative, Blues

Disfigured is the most stripped back song from Rag’n’Bone’s discography. Nestled at the end of his 2015 EP, Disfigured, an under-the-radar track, starts out with him softly singing to a simple guitar melody. As it progresses, the song keeps the same melancholic, soft feel, but as each verse goes by it starts to add layers. And by the end of the song you will be fully immersed into this musical world that the artist has created.

Tip: Wear headphones with this one! It sounds even better.

If you can’t give up the ghost
Or cut the rope
That tugs you down

If you’re walking comatose
Obliged to cope
To follow the crowd

Well long live all those lies
You tell yourself
You’ll be alright

But there’s no kiss goodbye
Only the end
And only the night

5. St Jude by Florence and The Machine

Genre: Indie, Pop

Florence + The Machine is one of my favorite bands. The lyric “Maybe I’ve always been more comfortable in chaos” stopped me dead in my tracks. This is one of their more subtle songs but paired with Florence’s heart-tugging vocals, helps bring the song to life.

Another conversation with no destination
Another battle never won
And each side is a loser
So who cares who fired the gun?

And I’m learning, so I’m leaving
And even though I’m grieving
I’m trying to find the meaning
Letting loss reveal it
Letting loss reveal it

St. Jude, the patron saint of the lost causes
St. Jude, we were lost before she started
St. Jude, we lay in bed as she whipped around us
St. Jude, maybe I’ve always been more comfortable in chaos

A Final Note

Music is a great way to capture an emotion, a feeling, or an event in current time. Do you use music as an outlet for self-expression? If so, what song would you say best describes who you are? I would love to hear in the comments below!

Update: As of 2021, In The Flux is now a vegan and cruelty-free lifestyle blog. A few mental health posts are still up, but I have brand new content that I’m excited to show off. Here are some of my favorites:

  1. Why Some Vegans Fail: Thoughts From a Vegan of 8 Years
  2. What’s the Difference Between Vegan and Cruelty-Free
  3. 10 Reasons to Go Cruelty-Free

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  1. I’ve always used music as self expression too, and tend to listen to songs that I relate to in some way. Thanks for sharing your list, I haven’t heard of these (except Queen), so will check them out.

  2. Just read through this and listening to Reasons Not to Die hit me really hard. One song I’ve been listening to a lot recently is No Children by The Mountain Goats. It feels like a cathartic hyperbole of broken relationships and it reminds me of the ugliest sides of myself: splitting, devaluing, suicidal ideation, the things that happen when I forget how lucky I am to be with the person I love.
    Searching around I also found this post that gave me Asleep by The Smiths which is a beautiful song.

  3. “You Only Tell Me You Love Me When You’re Drunk”, definitly reminds of mood changes in bpd.. Although, the band PSB never explained the lyrics in that way.. Check out (really beautiful song, btw)

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